To My Stupid, Small Brother,
by fux0r
Summary: Like a good brother, Itachi writes home regularly. To his brother. [bits and pieces of Sasuke x Itachi]


A little weird, but understandable no less.

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**To My Stupid, Small Brother.**

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To my stupid small brother,

How is it with your life been since I murdered the clan? It does seem wrong to have you clean my mess, the blood, entrails and all that, but I had to really hurry and run the hell away. The life in the Akasuki - which is the ultra bad-ass organization I work for- is not really what I thought it would be. The payment is terrible and I think this guy Orochimaru has an eye on me, in that creepy way. He constantly wags his freaky long tongue back and forth. I should probably keep my guard up. Who knows what he might do to me on the night shift. I heard he wanted my body a few years back. Creep-eh, man. My abyss-deep black soul probably adds on to his lust for me. Fortunately, I have now a small comfort: I can kill the people around me. He cares, unfortunately, none. Finally, all are like that as is . I tormented a small innocent girl only yesterday. You should have heard her cry. I've sent a souvenir attached, so that you know, that I float like that. I can't write right now, idiotic brother, the work calls. Assassinations are not attempted by themselves. Hate, weak, not enough power. Make fun of. Cool last line. Maniacal laughter.

Your brother,

Itachi.

Itachi,

I am still busy removing the blood from the walls, if you care. What the hell did you do? The firkin' blood looks fresh. Isn't it enough that you killed Mom and Dad? Now have to torture me with this crap? Did you think about making all our relative eat glue before they died so the blood would stay IN? My damn fingers are pruned. And don't you have to do anything better to do than writing to me? In addition, it is better, if you spare me with Orochimaru, your probably just making him up. That stupid, lame sounding story is made off of the disturbingly gorgeous Mary Sue Mom brought over. Further more, I believe you murdered the clan because you didn't want to marry the Mary Sue. It only short meeting, but it was gaud awful. I feel for you, bro. But she probably didn't even want to marry you, you're way too girly. Too many girly parts too. To me your just a btch. DO you know what you are, Itachi? Dude, sick! What's up with the girl's head attached!? I hope you broke one of your oh so loved sea green painted nails removing and suffocate to her. Also, no self respecting villain would maniacally laugh.

I'm going to kill you, Sasuke

To my stupid small brother,

How do you know I paint these nails myself? But if you want to see me dead, then you do it. Why do you think, I left you alive, you freaking retard? Not for a stupid, agitating reunification. You are worthless, you small piece of dirt brother. Also, have you been getting letters from the Yaoi Fan Girls? Do you know which Yaoi means? No matter, I've heard you're a star, number one rookie. Did I mention I was an ANBU captain at your age? You are no challenge for me. Continue to train and _if_ I come, I _might_ supervise your training. AND HOW EXACTLY DO YOU KNOW THAT WORD?! A small, innocent boy such as yourself, shouldn't know this word! What have they been teaching you? And to update you on my snake problem (which is true), he keeps watching me, licking his lips with that pink thing of a tongue. If he doesn't withdraw, I might have to take it to Konoha and kill him out of annoyance. My God, life bite you in the ass. I had actually thought that you had killed yourself, so that you could be with your mommy. I thought, you have so may dead relatives in the cellar, a new face couldn't harm them. You HAVE been preserving them, right? Because the way your life is going, you'll find a way to resurrect them but they're all rotten. No concern of mine, they could decay and be eaten by rats, for all I care. I'll write later. The boss called up a meeting. Let the hate in you grow.

Your brother,

Itachi.

Itachi,

Do you think I couldn't hear you and Shinsui all those nights? One thing to consider, genius: our rooms were side by side and our cheap dad wouldn't fix the holes in the wall. I didn't know that you liked doing that kind of stuff, a nd with MEN too. But, you say Yaoi? Feh. Those stupid girls already claimed me, they wanted to couple me with Naruto. Terrible memories, worst than seeing my parents die. A little girl, probably a new member, came to me and asked if I'd liked to be paired with Neji or Saksura. HELL NO. And, lastly, my hate grows day to day. The fertilizer, which you recommended to me, was good. Nevertheless I will come one day and take your head as the fruits of my spoils.

With all the hate in the world, Sasuke.

To my stupid small brother,

Geez, dunce, I told you a while ago what we did. And watch your back Orochimaru knows he can't have me so he's going after you. Maybe it was because I beat him a little to hard? I mean his fuckin' wet tongue ruined my eyeliner! Here's a warning, he'll come during the Chuunin Exams (it's his paid vacation then). Pay attention, dumbass. AND DO IT WELL! Or it WILL become unpleasant. It make s me kind of happy. Do you still remind of the kick ass organization I told you about before? I have a new partner. Hoshigaki Kisame. He belongs to the Mist's shark clan (you can tell). Pleasantly he is submissive and shuts up when needed (unlike than the other one). My daily schedule is not completed. And each day, my hate for you grows, like how you hate me. Death, destruction and torture, yada, yada, yada.

Your brother,

Itachi.

Itachi,

I congratulate you on your new partner. Shark, you say? I hope he eats you and spits your bones into the deepest, dirtiest river. As for Orochimaru, too late, moron. I have the curse already, but his offer wasn't half bad.

(Sarcastic Line), Sasuke

To my stupid small brother,

I heard that you are now with Orochimaru. You didn't kill the fox boy naturally. If you had done that, then you would possibly have gotten large problems with the Akatsuki. But your silly dream of the Mangekyou Sharingan makes me happy. You are still weaker than me. But you can see the line, little bro. I did not see it for a long time. Your hate will beautifully good now, so I'm starting to think your judgment is clouding. Otherwise it will still continue to deepen the trauma, which I caused myself. Would it comfort you if I take the skin from your small pink friend off?

Your brother,

Itachi

Itachi,

Do whatever you want with Sakura, I don't care. With Orochimaru, I feel well. Only this amusing physician is jealous on me. Kabuto does not like me. He hates it if Orochimaru steps too near to me. Everywhere there's this Orochimaru poster in his room. I have one of you. LIFE SIZE. However you are naked, since I had to order it with the Yaoi Girls. Looks nevertheless good.

Work on your tan, Sasuke

To my stupid small brother,

Your gay lover lives! I am not inclined to give details let's say he ran off with the pink one that had quite the bite, I tried to skin her but she wouldn't stop squirming. The horrid little wench. I believe, small brother, time slowly passes to the day I visit you. It's been ages, prepare some tea or something. The last meeting does not count, by the way. Prepare yourself for a long night, Sasuke. Before the ultimate fight there are things, which we must still discuss. Family reunification. In the basic sense of the word. Do not flee or so useless things, you don't know how long I've waited.

Your (more manly) brother, Itachi.

Itachi,

AT LAST! BRING IT, HOLLA BACK GIRL! But, it is un-cool, if I kill you thereafter you can live with a few critical wounds, of course. Thank your lucky stars,.

Your brother,

Sasuke

P. S. I got a new bed. It's large AND comfortable (don't see that everyday). The Yaoi Fan Girls donated it when they found the last letter.


End file.
